Friday, February 19, 2010

My Vocabulary

In addition to swear words, here are some of the other words and phrases that have become part of my daily vocabulary lately:

Adverse Impact
Underutilization Analysis
Impact Ratio Analysis
Compensation Analysis
Workforce Analysis
Outreach Efforts
Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC)
Office of Federal Contracts and Compliance (OFCCP)

and finally,

Affirmative Action Plan Audit.

Have I struck fear into your heart?

Let me take you back to exactly two weeks ago. Exactly two weeks ago today, a coworker was retiring, and it was her last day of work. She had been in charge of the Affirmative Action Plan for 31 years. On the same day she was retiring, the company received a notice stating that their Affirmative Action Plan was being audited. But this wasn't an ordinary audit, it was a higher level audit that was being highly scrutinized, and additional reports and information were due BECAUSE OUR PREVIOUS PLAN WAS INACCURATE AND INSUFFICIENT.

Basically, we had to scrap the whole thing and start from scratch.

I'll give you one guess as to who the responsibility...nee, honor, of this audit was given to after the coworker's retirement. Did you guess me? This honor was surely bestowed upon me because I was highly trained, skilled, and knowledgeable in this area, right? Yeah....ever hear of the blind, leading the blind?

I'll give you one more guess as to when everything was due. Did you guess today?
It was actually due one week ago, but we begged and begged, and they gave us an additional week. When I say "they", I mean those delightful Federal Government folks.

So today's the day when it is all due. I worked tons of overtime, which I don't get paid for (the joy of being an exempt employee). I have the 175+ page report sitting on my desk as I type. It's done. Hallelujah.

I also have a killer headache, a cranky attitude, and a potty mouth.

Wanna know what the worst part is? I know the audit isn't going to go away just because we prepared the report. They're going to ask for more stuff once they review. And we're going to have to change a ton of our processes, systems & reports.

That means a sh!t ton of more work for me. FCUK.


Madison! said...

Yeah, I'm going to need that report today and go ahead and plan on coming in on Saturday, mmmkay? That would be greeeaaat.

Seriously, your plight sounds like it's directly out of Office Space. I'm SO sorry!

NIKOL said...

It's times like this when you really wish you could just screw it and have a margarita.

Hope you get lots of R&R this weekend!

Kristina P. said...

Wow. I am scared for you.

peewee said...

I got a headache just reading those words. I can't imagine WORKING with them. I think this calls for some oreos in the ole desk drawer!

Anonymous said...


Karen said...

The commenter above me took the words right out of my mouth.

Seriously though, I thought we got rid of Affirmative Action around here.