Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The Random Facebook Friend

Apparently one of my Facebook friends went to a wedding over Thanksgiving weekend and posted this photo of the happy couple.

Awesome.  I almost wish I knew them.

I especially love how the green ink, green eyeshadow, green hair, and green flower all coordinate.

Don't Judge A Cookie By It's Name

Last year we went to Minnesota to visit my ailing Grandma for Christmas.  During our trip, we visited my Great Aunt Pearl who lives out on the old dairy farm in the country, for a potluck.  Aunt Pearl is a lifelong Minnesotan, as most of the family on my Mom's side are.  For Minnesotans, potlucks are a common, yet special event.  You can count on there being a dish of whole black olives, a dish of sweet pickles, at least one meat casserole, at least one potato casserole (or hot dish, as they call them), and tons and tons of dessert bars or balls.  Dontcha know!

The presentation and visual quality of the potluck food is typically highly questionable and unappealing.  Don't rely on your eyes.  Rely on your nose.  If it smells good, it will taste good.  This rule always works with a Minnesota hot dish. 

Unfortunately, the same rules do not apply with the dessert bars and cookie balls.  Most are covered in crumb topping or powdered sugar, so you can never really be sure what's in there.  You might ask what the bar or ball is called.  This is a mistake.  It will almost always be called something gross, like....Pressed Apple Cheese Bars, or Reindeer Balls.  Here's where you're just going to have to be adventurous and try it for yourself.  If you don't like it, chances are there will be at least 5 varieties and 5 chances for you to find something you do like.

Luckily, I took a risk and tried my Great Aunt Pearl's Date Balls.  Dates?  Ew!  But these are so good!  They taste like chewy caramel.  I begged her for the recipe and finally made them myself over the weekend.  I bought enough supplies to make a double batch, but I was short on time and only made a single batch.  Good thing!  This recipe makes about 6 dozen.  If you're feeling adventurous, try them yourself.  You won't be sorry.

Great Aunt Pearl's Date Balls
2 cups sugar
2 eggs
1 lb package pitted dates, chopped
1 tsp salt
1 cup butter
2 tsp vanilla
5 cups Rice Krispies
1 cup finely chopped nuts
Powdered sugar (or Jello mix powder if you want to make festive colors)

Mix together sugar, eggs, dates, salt and butter in a large sauce pan.  Cook over medium heat until thick (5-10 min) stirring constantly.  Remove from heat.  Add vanilla, cereal and chopped nuts.  Mix well.  Let cool enough to roll into balls about the size of a walnut.  Roll in powdered sugar.  Makes approx 6 dozen.  They also freeze well.


Monday, November 29, 2010

We've Adopted a New Family Member

This weekend was wonderful.  We had turkey and family time, we shopped, saw Tangled AND Harry Potter.  And then, Saturday night...she arrived!

Her name is Sam, and she is beautiful.  Tall, thin, flawless complexion.  I forget which country she's from, but she's definitely Asian.  We love her so much!  Her full name is Sam Sung. 

Here she is.
Sam Sung, our new baby.  She was delivered at 63 inches long, and weighs about 30 pounds.  She's our new 3D plasma tv.  Isn't she gorgeous?

I can't wait to introduce her to all my favorite shows and movies.  I'm thinking that Sam and I will really bond over shirtless Ryan Reynolds movies.  I mean, can you imagine those abs in 3D?! 

In case you're wondering how on earth we could afford to buy this tv....We didn't.  It was a Christmas gift from Daddy Warbucks my Dad, who feels compelled to spoil us ever since we visited him in October.  Not that I'm complaining, mind you.  Still, I would have been happy with a gift card to Sephora.  It's gonna make my gift to him of assorted DVDs, books, and photos of the kids seem really insignificant.  Sorry Dad....and THANK YOU!

Monday, November 15, 2010

10 Reasons Why I Am One Of The Whitest Women In America

1.  I LOVE twin sets/cardigans.  I would wear one every day, if I could.  I've even been known to wear them with pearls on occasion.  Eat your heart out, Martha Stewart.

2.  I've read all the Twilight books.  I hated them, but I still get credit for reading them.

3.  Some people like to shop on Amazon, I like shop on QVC.  Like, a lot.  I visit their headquarters annually like it's a pilgrimage to Mecca.  I've been known to have discussions about which hosts I like/hate.  Have you seen Patti Reilly?  She's adorable.  Shawn Killinger?  Ugh.

4.  I send cookies to people as gifts.

5.  I slutted it up and wore a Winnie the Pooh costume to work for Halloween.  I have no street cred.  That's me and Garfield doing an ironic belly bump.  Which somehow I manage to make look even more awkward and nerdy.  My Mexican coworker (Garfield) calls me Huera which is slang for "white girl".
BTW, that costume has a PADDED belly, thankyouverymuch.

6.  I know the punch lines to 100s of Ole & Lena jokes.  It's a midwestern thing. 

7.  It took me a long time to figure out what a "shorty" was.

8.  Tina Fey is my idol.

9.  My 5 year old can roll her "R"s and has a better Spanish accent than I do.  I am too embarrassed by my sucky accent to order in Spanish at the taco shop.  But I have no problem using my limited Spanish to talk to my housekeeper about whether the dishes or laundry are limpio or sucio.

10.  I have a blog, on which I post about the marvels of Carmex lotion and frozen crepes from Ikea.

But guess what, guys?  My honky days are over.  Thanks to the Microsoft store, and their new Kinect dancing game display at the local mall, I have discovered that I am no longer one of the whitest women in America.

Watching those hueras try to dance the merengue to Pitbull's "I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho)" has made me realize that I have nothing, NOTHING to be ashamed of.  Even though I will never, ever dance to that game in the middle of the mall with everyone watching, I KNOW I will kill it with my mad dancing skillz.  And now I really want that game, just so I can prove it to myself.

Also, a big thank you to Mr. Whitey himself, Bill Gates, and those fine Microsoft Kinect engineers for teaching me Pitbull's name.  This white girl didn't know the name of that guy who sings that "Uno, Dos, Tres, Cuatro" song, and I just added his cd to my wish list.  See?  Instant street cred.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

A New Favorite Thing

For the last couple of months, all of my magazines have featured full page ads for Carmex Healing Cream and Carmex Healing Lotion. I'm totally a lotions and potions kind of girl, and I'm always on the lookout for a great hand cream that doesn't cost a fortune. But in this case I didn't get too excited because the ads all said the products were only available at Walgreens. Psshht! Like Carmex is too good for Target or something? Come on, Carmex. Help a sistah out, and sell some at my conveniently located Target, with newly remodeled Fresh Food Market!

It wasn't until my husband got a special coupon from Walgreens from buying so many of my pneumonia/cough drugs there, that I finally caved and went to Walgreens specifically to buy this cream. 

I love it so!

It soaks in quickly without being greasy at all.  My hands feel moisturized long after I apply it.  It even softly smells like carmex lip stuff, which is almost medicine-y, but is also weirdly appealing to me.  But the best thing of all is that it's cheap.  I got it for $5.99 and then had a $2.00 coupon on top of that.  

I stole tried a sample of the lotion, and it's not nearly as good, so don't bother with it.  Just get the cream.  Even my husband raves about it.  I was putting some on the other night and he got on my case because he thought I was hogging it.  Uh, sorry dude.  You're lucky I share it at all. 

If you hunt around on the Carmex website, you might be able to find a $2.00 off coupon.  I found it a few days ago, but couldn't seem to find it again while I was writing this.  Try it.  If you don't like it, you only spent a few bucks.  And I will gladly accept any used donations you want to get rid of.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

If There Were A No-Fly List in 1977

In preparation for our trip to visit my Dad in Texas, my Mom told my children a real-life cautionary tale of airplane violence.  The story was told and re-told several times before our trip.  When we arrived in Texas, my Dad picked us up at the airport and on the ride home, he asked the kids if they ever heard the story....and then he told it again anyway.  At the end of our trip, he told the story on the way back to the airport, just for good measure.  My kids now know the story by heart.

The story goes like this.....on a family vacation in 1977, my mom, dad, brother and I were going to visit family.  It was the first airplane ride for my brother and I.  He was 5 and I was 3.  We boarded the plane and settled our polyester clad behinds in our seats.  My parents busied themselves with the carry on bags and getting the requisite tools of distraction for children (coloring books, snacks, gum, etc).  Passengers were still boarding and my brother and I were sitting in our seats when all of a sudden....WHACK!  Out of nowhere, and for no particular reason, I smacked my sweet, innocent brother as hard as I could in the head with the big, metal, airplane belt buckle.  My brother instantly began wailing at the top of his lungs for an extended period of time and got a huge bump on his head.  The other passengers shot death stares at my parents for having a child that wouldn't stop crying.  My parents were mortified and wanted to kill me.  Of course, they still had to reward me with coloring books, snacks, and gum, to keep me quiet on the plane.  Not unless they wanted to risk a mid-air toddler meltdown suffer the added wrath of the passengers.  If there had been air marshalls on the plane, like there are now, my parents would have gladly handed me over to police custody.  The End.

The moral to this story? 

Beware of terrorists disguised as 3 year old little girls.  And if you do encounter one, those belt buckles double as pretty effective weapons.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Let's Give Thanks Via The Internet

So I'm guessing there is this big grassroots movement for people to post on the internet whatever they are thankful for.  Yes?

"I'm thankful for 350 channels"
"I'm thankful for modern medicine"

"I'm thankful for alarm clocks"
Really?  Are you?  Are you thankful for alarm clocks?  Cause I think they suck.  In fact, I think the whole obnoxious, self-serving, forced thankfulness via the internet thing sucks.  You ought to be thankful that I don't kick you in the teeth.

You know what I'm thankful for?  The freedom of speech that allows me say that I poo on your thankfulness.

Don't get me wrong....I'm all for giving thanks to the Big-Guy.  But let's give thanks for our blessings where they really count.  Like, I don't prayer maybe?  Instead of on Facebook?  Where we also saw your slutty Halloween costume photos from last week, that you "like" Jersey Shore, and your test to determine which Sex & The City character you are indicates that you are a Samantha.  When we do give thanks to the Big-Guy, it would be kinda nice if it were for legitimate things and not for the fact that you stayed up late watching football, got drunk, hungover, and were almost late to work this morning.

I'll get off my soapbox now.  Aren't you thankful?

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Recent Life and Lesson

Hey you guys.  I've been taking a few too many blog vacations lately.  It's not intentional.  I've just been sick, and busy, and all those normal excuses.  And maybe it's all the cough medicine with codeine, but I just can't think of things to write about.  So I guess I'll just update you on what I've been doing then, huh?

My work wife left and then my boss left.  It got super crazy and chaotic, and I actually snapped at a coworker and then cried.  At work.  Humiliating.  Perhaps I already told you this?  Then I suggested organizing a meeting with all the people that reported to the boss that left.  Well, it kind of snowballed and the head of the company came to the meeting.  Instead of discussing plans for moving forward, the CEO wanted to know about our workloads, which turned into a bitch session about how busy we all are.  Long story short, I kind of bit the CEO's head off when he told us we were already overstaffed.  D'oh!  How did I become the crazy, uptight coworker?  Ugh, I could hardly stand to be around myself.  So I made a vow to chill out and not let work take over my life.

My vow was put to the test when I got really sick.  Like walking pneumonia sick.  I ended up taking 5 sick days.  Right before I was scheduled to go on a week of vacation!  So I was out for TWO WEEKS!  My coworker had to do her work and mine, and will probably never forgive me.  While she slaved away, I medicated, caught up on my DVR, napped, and though I was still sick, forged ahead with our family vacation plans to lovely and exotic.....

Dallas.  To visit my Dad and stepmom.  Who have lived in a gigantic house for 15 years that I have never visited.  My normally grumpy and curmudgeonly Dad transformed into the perfect Grandpa and ate up every second with his rambunctious and talkative granddaughters.  He took the week off work and spoiled them rotten.  He spoiled us all rotten.  Despite being sick, it was a great trip.  I think he actually cried when we left.

Then there was Halloween with last minute kids costume running around, school carnival committments, family dinner plans, and trick-or-treating.  After all hectic hub-bub, I was in the Halloween mood and settled on the couch to watch the new AMC zombie series, "The Walking Dead".  Big mistake.  These zombies sorta run when they collect in a big, brain-hungry crowd together.  Running zombies really freak me out.  They chased me in my sleep and I woke up with clenched teeth and a massive tension headache.  I'm not sure if I have the stones to handle watching on a weekly basis.  I'm kind of a wimp.  It's a good thing I decided to skip the local "Zombie Walk" through Balboa Park.  I may have ended up with PTSD.

Somehow it's already November.  Election day, no less.  I'll place my vote after work.  Right now I'm already planning my Christmas shopping and looking online for good gift ideas.  Ok, so maybe I'm adding more things to my own wish list than I am deciding what to buy for others, but counts as holiday planning.  Right now I'm pondering the Philosophy shower gels on QVC.  Tempting.  Very tempting. 

See how good I'm getting at not worrying about work?!