Wednesday, January 27, 2010

WARNING: You Will Be Severely Mocked

If I see you wearing this kind of shoe:

Payless calls them "ankle wrap sandals" and claims they are hot and edgy. I would argue that they are ridiculous and douchey. But that's just me.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Monday, January 25, 2010

QVC Beauty Bash Is Baa-aack!

Some women collect shoes or purses or designer labels. I collect beauty products. Which is weird because I am not amazingly gorgeous with perfect skin and cheekbones. I'm pretty average looking and I'm not even all that good at actually applying makeup, but dang if makeup and skin care products aren't the most fun to play with! Which is why I love the annual QVC Beauty Bash. It's like my version of Comic Con.

Picture it....a warehouse full of booths as far as the eye can see, stocked with top name beauty products. As you wander through the booths, they give you handful after handful of free products. Pretty soon, your giant tote bag is loaded to the top and heavy! But you're only halfway through! Each booth hands you more and more bottles, tubes, pots, brushes until you feel like you need a shopping cart to lug it around. Some things are sample or travel sizes, but most of it is full size. You seriously have 60 pounds worth of loot. Your arms, feet and back are tired, but you. must. go. on. You haven't even gotten to the Philosophy booth yet, and you need to see Laura Geller and Bobbi Brown in person! And you heard a rumor that Joan Rivers might be there! You HAVE to see Joan Rivers! Finally, when you're all done and you've crossed the finish line, the fun has only just begun. Now you get to use all your loot!

Tickets go on sale in a couple weeks, and if my mom & I can get tickets again, we're going, baby!

Details are available here:
QVC Beauty Bash 2010
The QVC Beauty Bash will be held on April 17 and 18, 2010. Tickets will be $75.00 each, with an additional $1.50 per ticket charge for processing. Ticket sales will begin on Monday, February 8, 2010 at 10:00am ET through an online ticketing retailer. Additional information regarding ticket sales will be posted Monday, February 1, 2010 at 10:00am ET on this site. All ticket related matters will be handled by our ticketing company; QVC will not be taking reservations or selling any tickets for the event.

Friday, January 22, 2010

This Is A New Low For Me

A thought recently entered my head and has been bubbling around..."maybe I should start waking up early and run for half an hour before work".

Clearly, I hate myself. Please pray for me. Before it's too late.

Oh, and I'm a hypocrite too.

Team Conan or Team Leno?

I'm not really team either one. I've seen both of their shows, but I'm not a regular viewer. The same goes for Letterman, Jimmy Fallon, Craig Ferguson, the one that used to host MTV, and that one that used to date Sarah Silverman. I only watch if a celebrity that I stalk love is on, and even then, I DVR it and fast forward through all the monologue and junk to get to my fave celebrity. You won't catch me staying up late to actually view it when it airs because I am a crusty old lady that eats my dinner at 3pm, then plays with my cats, then soaks my feet while I watch my Pat Sajak program, and then goes to bed at 7pm.

It might be dangerous to say this, because it seems like if you don't:
(A) hate Leno with the fire of a thousand sons
(B) think he is an evil mastermind, plotting world domination
(C) think he's blackmailing the NBC executives with some sex scandal dirt
(D) think he is the devil incarnate
then you must be an idiot, because clearly Conan is superior in every way.

But...I actually, kind of, maybe, don't mind Leno so much.

I think Kelly Kapoor from "The Office" says it best

There has been crazy drama about all the late night talk show hosts lately and frankly I could not be more bored. What do Leno, Letterman, Kimmel, and Conan all have in common? They're old. Their combined ages are more than 100! It's time to give America what they want: Carson Daly at 11:35. Carson's credentials are top notch. He hosted TRL, he's hot, he's cute, and he dated the likes of Jennifer Love Hewitt (before she was old), Tara Reid (before she looked like a clown), and Christina Aguilera (when she was still "dirty"). I bet he slept with a lot of other girls too. Maybe he'd talk about it? Or maybe he'd do his monologue with his shirt off. That would finally be good late night TV! Anyway, screw the ugly old men, go with the hottie. Or if not, Jimmy Fallon is not like completely barfalicious to the eyes.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Lady Gaga Is Actually 55 Years Old

The other day I found myself randomly watching a show about the bands that performed at the Us Festival back in 1983. Don't ask me why. I don't even remember the Us Festival. I must have been too busy playing with my Holly Hobbie doll or coordinating my coulottes with my leg warmers or something. Apparently the Us Festival was like the Woodstock of the 80's. But with more aqua net, blue eyeshadow, and dove shorts. And it was broadcast all over the world, including Russia! Dah! Russia!

The bands that played were pretty darn awesome at the time, and included: INXS, Oingo Boingo, Stray Cats, Divinyls, Men at Work, The Clash, just to name a few. When the show featured Missing Persons, I gasped. I swear I was staring right. at. Lady Gaga.

Oh. My. Gaga!

Are they the same person? Are they mother & daughter? You decide:

Thanks to the internet, I did some googling and found out that Dale Bozzio is the lead singer for Missing Persons, and she was born in 1955. Lady Gaga claims to be born in 1986. I'm suspicious. I'm thinking I should contact Us Weekly about this startling discovery. Unfortunately, I think it will only cement these lyrics further into my brain:

Roma, Ro-ma-ma
Gaga, ooh-la-la

Glee Post Of The Week - OMG YES! Squuueeee!

A giant WIN!

Neil Patrick Harris to guest star on Glee!

"Neil Patrick Harris is nearing a deal to appear in the May sweeps Glee episode that’s being helmed by his Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog director, Joss Whedon.

Harris wants to do it, and Glee creator Ryan Murphy sure as hell wants him to — he’s creating a role especially for the How I Met Your Mother scene-stealer. And yes, the part includes a little song-’n'-dance. In fact, the gig not only would reunite Harris with Whedon, it’d also reteam him with Zachary Woodlee, who choreographed the musical number in HIMYM’s recent 100th episode.

The one possible snag — and there’s always one, isn’t there? CBS has to OK its MVP’s appearance on Fox’s breakout hit. But at least since HIMYM and Glee are both produced by 20th Century Fox, there’s no conflict on their end."

Friday, January 15, 2010

Sorry Chargers

I couldn't give a crap about your playoff game this weekend. I have a date on Sunday afternoon with this dude

and all the lovely, drunken celebrities that will be attending the Golden Globes. Ricky Gervais, I love you and think you are made for awards shows. Whoever selected you to be the host should get an honorary Nobel Peace Prize or something. They should call you The Terminator, because you are going to kill it as host. I may laugh so hard that I actually pee. Pampers are standing by.

Can't wait!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Not You Too, Abby!?

DEAR ABBY: My problem is I attract needy people. I don't have a problem setting boundaries. However, those boundaries are frequently crossed because the person is so self-absorbed that he/she "can't hear" me.
How does one draw the line with a complete stranger who wants to tell me her whole life story the first time we meet, and sucks away my energy and my time? I feel like the individual isn't even talking to me. She might as well be talking to herself or to a wall for all I care.

Abby, I do not want to continue being taken hostage by these kinds of people. I'm not interested in their lives or troubles. I have enough of my own. I don't want to be unkind, but I haven't found a way to protect myself from being forced to invest time in needy acquaintances with whom I do not wish to pursue a relationship. I am not a total (rhymes with witch), but I am definitely ... BAFFLED IN VERO BEACH, FLA.

DEAR BAFFLED: If I understand your description correctly, the type of person you describe is a "sapper." These are individuals who talk until they completely drain the energy from their "victim" -- not unlike vampires in Stephenie Meyer's novels.

An effective way to deal with a sapper is to stop the conversation. Explain that he or she has caught you at a time or place when it's inconvenient to talk, or tell the person you do not feel qualified to deal with their situation and refer them to a doctor, lawyer or therapist. Then walk away or end the phone call -- depending upon how they have "attached" themselves to you.

DEAR ABBY: Your analogy bothers me. Using Stephenie Meyer books to dole out your crappy advice? Does this mean you're a Twilight fan? Or did you get paid for that little plug? Either way, consider me....BARFING IN SAN DIEGO.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

His Mother Must Be So Proud

Those glasses he's wearing? Yeah, that's a TATTOO. As in, permanently on his face.

I can't wait until he's in his 40s and his vision gets a little worse, to the point where he actually needs to wear glasses. I hope there's a picture of that on the internet someday.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Avatar: It LOOKS Neat, But Does The Story Suck?

Am I the only person who isn't jacked out of their mind to see this? It only rates a "Meh" on my omgihavetoseethis meter.

All I hear about is how visually amazing the movie is. Nothing about the plot or characters. So I'm wondering if the visual effects just numb everyone to the fact that the story is actually crap, or is the story actually pretty good? My husband is not a reliable source for this information, because he'll tell me the plot is amazing just so I'll consent to seeing it (so he can see it again).

Cause it's either gotta have a good story, make me laugh, or feature some cute boys for me to want to see it. And from what I hear, the only cute boy in Avatar is mostly onscreen as a blue dude. I gotta say, I think I can wait for DVD to check it out.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Crush Of The Week: Chuck

I'm very pleased to see Chuck back on my tv screen (I even got my husband to start watching!). I'm also very pleased to see that the producers have made an attempt to de-nerdify Chuck's hairdo. A half hearted attempt, but an attempt nonetheless. Though I feel like the hair is slipping into Peter Brady territory. What do you think?

Before & After:

Chuck is a seriously good looking dude. Tall, dark & curly = YUM. But come on producers, what's it gonna take to get Chuck to look like this? (facial hair optional)

"Attractive" Chuck is nice, but we want "smokin' hot" Chuck! Pretty please?!

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

My Existence Is Validated

I've made it to the big leagues. I'm practically a celebrity. I'm definitely an A-lister. Why?

Read it and weep, baby.

Not just an Insider...a VERY IMPORTANT BEAUTY Insider. I spent $350 over the course of the year worked very hard to earn it. It might be my biggest accomplishment of the entire year. Yay for me!

You may commence bowing at my feet.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Dear Uterus,

Bitch, you better knock it off with the cramps
or I will keep eating Advil and chocolate
until my liver and ass explode.

Screw you,

Monday, January 4, 2010

Frick, I'm Behind On My Internet Stalking!

My last meager post was Dec 8th? Wow. I'm just getting back into my routine. See, December was psychotic. Literally. Well....I was psychotic anyway. It's funny how I used to never stress over the holidays. I'd have my shopping done by Thanksgiving, decorations up, cards sent by the first week of December, cookies baked, presents all wrapped with pretty bows, and be busy making crafts. Ah, the naive days of yesteryear.

Yeah, well that was before I had kids. And just to make things even more stressful fun, I went ahead and gave birth to those kids in December. That means birthday parties, gifts, cake, and planning to do in December IN ADDITION to Christmas. This year we even threw in a trip to Minnesota to visit my ailing grandmother for Christmas. As an added bonus, when you travel over Christmas with five year olds, you also have to make special arrangements for Santa to deliver their presents to wherever you are traveling! Not to worry though, Santa didn't forget a single thing! SHe's so awesome!

So now that we are back from the blizzard...

I can finally relax. My tree is still up, I still haven't finished all the laundry, and there are messes and piles of presents everywhere. But none of it matters, because it is 70 degrees outside and there is NO SNOW!

I freaking love San Diego.