Tuesday, October 27, 2009

The Name "Vampire Bait" Was Taken.

As was 'Eau de Bella', 'Chagrin', 'Bite Me', and 'You Smell Good Enough To Eat. No Seriously, I Want To Stalk You and Eat You'.

Want to attract your very own Edward Cullen? Try new 'Twilight Woods' by Bath & Body Works. Smells warm and cozy, just like Bella. Just in time for the release of New Moon!

Coming soon for men, 'Sparkling Marble', a cool new scent for the holidays.

Crush Of The Week

My Glee love knows no bounds. I know this because I find myself crushing on the jerk-jock character named Noah (Puck) Puckerman played by Mark Salling. Also known as "Quinn's baby-daddy". All because on last week's episode, he showed a softer, more sensitive side to his character. It was only for a couple of seconds while he sang "Sweet Caroline" with an acoustic guitar, so if you blinked, you missed it, but let me tell was ADORABLE. He even smiled. I didn't know he had teeth.

This is Mark Salling as himself, not in character.

These shots make me love him a little bit more, because hello?...nerd glasses?! I love nerds! Especially when they're not nerds at all, but super sexy hot dudes with huge biceps, masquerading as nerds! Tres emo.

And here we have the same exact NKOTB t-shirt that I myself owned about 20 years ago. A man after my own heart. See what I mean about that smile? Aw!

True Love Is...

holding a puke bucket for your spouse while the other end sprays the toilet.

...and then cleaning up the aftermath.

Today is day 6 of the stomach bug in our household. Both kids seem to have recovered just in time for my husband to get sick with it. I am the last healthy one. I hope I can escape with my guts in tact.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

I Give Up On You, Community

I wanted to like you. I really did. I had such high hopes. I watched the first show with such anticipation. And wow, did that first show suck! But, I understood that pilot episodes are never that good since they really have to focus so much on explaining the plot and backstory, and just can't devote that much time to the funny. So I kept recording you and watched you every week. I wanted to love Joel McHale and laugh out loud at his snarkiness.

But you know what happened? I didn't laugh. Not at all. In fact, I kept wishing you were over so that I could just erase you from my DVR and be done with you.

So guess what, Community...I give up on you. You suck.

Thank You Hollywood!

On a recent date night with my husband, we went to see a movie (Couples Retreat) and saw a preview for a new comedy with the best casting EVER. It's like the perfect storm of a cast. I can't tell you how excited I am to see this movie, come April 2010.

Are you ready?

Date Night starring STEVE CARELL and TINA FEY! As a married couple out on a date night and a case of mistaken identity! That's a recipe for some good comedy, right there.

It also stars Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, and Ray Liotta. Honestly, I don't think it could get any better. Well...unless Christopher Walken was in it too. But I'll take what I can get.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

I Love Zombies That Sell Paper

You can find one of Phyllis and one of Kelly at The Office website.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Stop The Torture of Pink Dress

Join me in the stand against the senseless torture of spandex clothing everywhere. That fabric is screaming for its life!

Thank you, People of Walmart. You made my Monday.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Crush Of The Week

This one is little bit embarrassing, you guys.

Let's face it, I'm kind of known for my very mature, very intellectual, very sophisticated crushes. Right? I mean, I like the Jonas Brothers because their lyrics have such poignant social commentary on our world. And Ryan Reynolds isn't just a pretty face or a set of precisely scultped abs. No. He writes articles for The Huffington Post. On important topics such as Competitive Eating.

I feel like I'm letting you down with my crush this week. I should be, and am, ashamed. This week's crush is:

The two hot brothers from The Vampire Diaries.

I'm embarassed to admit that I even watch this show. And kind of-maybe-even a little bit-like it. I started watching to see if it was going to be unintentionally funny, much like the Twilight movie, which was hilarious. But no, the show was just lame and stupid without the benefit of unintentional comedy. Boring. I was all set to give up and quit watching. But...then my coworker started talking about it and saying how fun it was and begged me to give it another chance. I naively agreed to watch one more episode. After all, the brothers were pretty cute, so at least there was eye candy.

And wouldn't you know it...last week's episode was actually kinda good and had just a tinge of mystery to keep me intrigued. Something about a magic pocket watch and some special herb/flower that is like kryptonite to vampires and the town's leaders knowing that "they" (meaning vampires) were back. Of course that means that I am now hooked. For good. Damn!

I extend my sincere apologies to you for such a trivial, ridiculous show and crush, no matter how aesthetically pleasing it may be. I'm truly sorry. I blame my coworker.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Shut It

I realized something today:

If you incessantly talk about your diet, exercise routine, calorie count, weight loss down to the fraction of a pound, etc...then we probably don't get along.


I'm polite to you (because my mama raised me to be) but inside I'm plotting ways to spike your food with extra fat/sugar.

For reals, I DO NOT want to hear constant updates about the 4 pounds you lost, how many weights you lifted, how many grams of sugar are in a bagel, how much time you spent on the elliptical, or how my skinny jeans that I just gave you as a hand-me-downs are too big for you! (Can you believe the rudeness?)

Cause when you talk about all that stuff, all I hear is you begging me to give you a serious beat down while I force feed you marshmallows and milk shakes.

Friday, October 2, 2009

I Just Gained 40 Pounds

Last Spring, when I went to the QVC Beauty Bash, one of the gifts I received was a couple of buttercream frosted sugar cookies from Cheryl & Co. They. Were. Awesome. My mouth practically went into shock and started hypersalivating.

Since Mother's Day was coming up shortly thereafter, I decided that a box of frosted cookies would make the perfect gift for my only living Grandma who lives all the way in Minnesota. I could have them shipped right to her door. Grandma loved them! But I never bought any for myself. I never had a reason, and it just seemed too frivolous to buy cookies for myself. I mean, I love to bake! But the thing is, I don't do cutout cookies with frosting. I've tried. They looked like I deocrated them with my feet. I shamefully gave them to my kids preschool for their Christmas party because I figured the kids wouldn't care that they looked awful, and I was too embarrassed to give them to anyone else. I had 5 dozen deformed bell, tree, and candy cane cookies. And you know what? It was a TON of work. My kitchen was in shambles, and all I had to show for it were mangled lumps of dough and frosting.

So I came up with a reason to order some Cheryl & Co cookies. I want them. Plain and simple. And they were on sale, so with shipping, they were only a small fortune and not a gigantic fortune. QVC has a deal on them, and lets face it...I'm a sucker for QVC.

Yesterday I came home to a fresh box of cookies. Did I mention that I bought them on auto-delivery? Yeah, so each month I get a new set. Next month I get these.

If you know me in real life, you can expect to get a few cookies from me. They're individually wrapped, so it makes giving (and freezing) them easy. I want you to try them. I want you to love them. Your mouth will thank you.

ETA: That's right...I'm not above bribing my friends!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Crush Of The Week

In honor of my super awesome, super sexy, cougar-licious-ness, I've decided to bring you my crush of the week. My crushes will most likely revolve around whatever show/movie I've watched recently, or whoever happens to be on the cover of US Weekly. That said, it should come as no surprise that this week's crush is.....

The entire cast of Glee.

I was going to just pick one cast member, like Finn, for example, as the adorable, cool, popular, football star who is actually quite a bit awkward and geeky. All the tension between him and Rachel honestly gives my stomach butterflies. I love it so much. Aww!

But then, I realized that the actor who plays him is actually 27 years old. So clearly he is far too old to be cougar bait.

So then I was going to pick Kristin Chenoweth, who guest starred last night, and who is completely adorable and pocket sized for easy portability. She's only 4'11" y'all! But she sings like she's bigger than Aretha Franklin. How does she do it?

But I think she's only doing the one guest spot, so I didn't want to leave out any of the regulars like Mr. Shue, Sue Sylvester, Kurt, or Emma.

Ultimately, I decided that truthfully, I have a crush on the entire cast, because they are all so good. It is the highlight of my sad, television addicted life. I look forward to my Wednesday night dates with my crushes all week.