Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Mark Walhberg Talks To Christmas Animals

Because I also thought about this while I was watching "The Fighter"

Say hi to your muthah for me.

Here's What I Thought About While Watching "The Fighter"

1. I didn’t realize how much I enjoy movies about boxing. Watching two guys beat the snot out of each other is pretty intense.

2. Christian Bale is scary. Remember when he was hot?

3. Bawstuhn accents: wicked awhsome to imitate!

4. Mark, why didn’t you have Donnie play the role of your older brother? That would have been pretty cool. The only acceptable excuse would be if he was too busy with NKOTB.

5. 90’s hair. Why? I think all that hairspray is the cause for global warming.

6. Crack is whack.

7. Remember bodysuits? With the snaps at the crotch? Again… why?

8. Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. Hee!

9. Marky Mark modeling ads for Calvin Klein underwear. Yowza!

10. Mark, you could still model underwear. Looking good! Damn!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Huera Update

I borrowed the Pitbull Rebelution cd from the library.  That's how me and the geriatric posse roll.  My intentions were to burn a copy of the cd.  For free!

However, I feel it only fair to fess up and relenquish the teeny tiny smidgen of street cred that I gained by being down with Pitbull.  Because....the language!  Well, let's just say that I clutched my pearls, shoved up my cardigan sleeves, and pressed skip over all the other songs until just "I Know You Want Me" was on repeat.  No bad language there.

Normally, cussing doesn't have much effect on me.  I mean, the Flight Of The Conchords album has tons of cussing in it, but it's hilarious!  But this?  This just struck me as icky.  The song "Juice Box" isn't about Capri Sun.  It's about lady parts.  Call me a prude, but that's just gross.

Does that make me old?  It does, doesn't it?  (Sob.)

Bingo, Beefcakes, and Motorboats

This weekend was my friend Kelly's birthday.  Kelly wanted to go gambling at the local casino and then go dancing at the casino's club.  Actually, what she REALLY wanted to do, was go see Thunder From Down Under at the casino.  That Aussie male dance troupe?  But they were sold out.  So naturally, we played bingo instead.

However, after bingo, the Thunder guys were at the dance club.  We had front row seats to watch all the drunk thirty/forty-something women throwing themselves at the guys.  Have you ever seen a group of drunken cougars trying to seductively grind on a bunch of young beefcakes?  Hilarious.  One woman was seriously wearing bifocals.

The highlight of the evening was when one of the guys motorboated a woman wearing a bustier.  You know what a motorboat is?  When the guy smooshes his face in the woman's boobs, moves his head back and forth, while making a motorboat sound with his lips.  Yeah, klassy.  Then,  (I swear I am not making ANY of this up), the woman's girl friend gets pulled over (she is also wearing a bustier), and the guy does a DOUBLE motorboat.  The women were cheering and woo-hooing while our entire table watched in horror/amusement.  At one point, the dude looked up and saw us watching.  Later, as he was leaving, he stopped by our table to say hi and/or insult us.  I'm not sure which.  It was mostly incoherent because he was drunk too, but I did catch him saying something about how we stole our land from the Indians.  Did I mention that we were in an Indian casino at the time?  Uh, we all went to high school with a ton of tribal Native Americans, and that's just not something you say, especially on their turf.  But I guess the Aborigines must have just willingly handed over their land, right?

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

WTF is a G6?

If you know, can you tell me?  That stupid song is driving me crazy.