Friday, January 21, 2011

Gwyneth Paltrow's Diabolical Plot To Make Me Like Her

Step 1:
Appear in an awesome Glee guest spot during which Gwyneth will:   
Actually be funny and likeable.
Sing the hell out of the songs.
Get punched in the face during the episode.

Step 2:
Send out a non-condescending edition of the GOOP newsletter in which Gwyneth will not talk down to the common peasants of the American middle class.

Step 3:
Be featured in an US Weekly subscriber email reporting that Gwyneth’s child threw a temper tantrum and that Gwyneth is not, in fact, the world’s most perfect mother.

Step 4:
Guest host a really funny episode of SNL in which Gwyneth will make fun of herself for pretending to be British and for starring in a movie about a country singer. Feature Pee Wee Herman and Cee Lo Green in hilarious guest segments. Episode must also include a Miley Cyrus Show sketch.

Haha! Too bad Gwyneth! You almost had me!  But no Miley Cyrus Show sketch means that I only slightly like you. Take it from Anne Hathaway, because that is exactly how she got me to start liking her:

But hey Gwyneth, since we’re almost on good terms now, can you answer a question that has been driving me nuts?

Why are Cee Lo Green’s arms SO SHORT?


He has tiny baby arms.  I'm he the world’s largest dwarf? Not that it matters, but don’t most people’s arms go down to like mid-thigh? Why do his only go to his waist? WHY?


NIKOL said...

Anne Hathaway's impression of Joey Potter was AWESOME!

I think Cee Lo's arms wouldn't seem as short if he were thinner.

What Goop Newsletter are you talking about? The one about parenting?

Kristina P. said...

Well, this was an unexpected turn of events.