Monday, January 3, 2011

Make New Friends, But Keep The Old

I have friend that I haven't seen for several years. Let’s call her Amy. We were close in high school, and besties after graduation and into our early twenties. We spent the night at each other's houses, went to each other's church functions, and went to football games and countless movies together. We worked together for a year or two and were even bridesmaids in each other’s weddings. When she stole my prom date and dirty danced with him, I wasn’t mad. The truth is, I didn’t really like him much anymore, so no harm done. If Amy didn’t mind him rubbing his giant boner on her leg, fine. I was just glad he wasn’t coming after me….

Over the years though, our contact became less and less. We were both busy with jobs, husbands, homes, and kids. At one point, she changed her phone number, never responded to my emails, and I think she moved. I didn’t know how to reach her anymore. Since my attempts to get in touch never got a response, I stopped trying. I would occasionally run into her sister around town and get the annual Christmas card from her mom, but Amy and I never spoke.

Fast forward about 10 years. Facebook was invented. I friended Amy’s sister. I would lament the fact that Amy was always so hard to keep in touch with and it would be so easy if Amy were on Facebook, so wouldn’t she please try to convince Amy to join. Finally, about 6 months ago, Amy joined Facebook. We didn’t have a spectacular reunion. We just went about commenting on each other’s posts. I found out through Facebook that she had moved from one outskirt of the county to the other. I also found out through a Facebook invite that she was getting remarried.

I didn’t attend the wedding or reception, because, well…the invite was through Facebook. I assumed I was one of those “I feel obligated to invite you because we used to be close a long time ago, but I don’t actually care if you show up” invitees. I offered my congratulations…via Facebook, and commented on the loveliness of her wedding photos.

Then I got the email. Via Facebook. Right before Christmas. Calling me out for being a crappy friend because I didn’t come to her wedding/reception and I don’t make an effort to be her friend anymore.


The email went on to list other offenses, such as not including her in gatherings with other mutual friends from high school that I am still in close contact with. Friends that respond when I call or email. Friends that let me know their new address and phone number when they have moved. Friends that share info about someone they are dating instead of waiting until the wedding evite goes out.  Friends that due to busy schedules and obligations, I still don't see as often as I would like.

But I felt bad. I never meant to hurt Amy’s feelings. I had been ignored, and apparently I was guilty of doing the same thing back. So I emailed my response and said just that. I said that I would like to get together and reconnect with her. We haven’t scheduled anything yet, but so far all Amy’s responses have been downright cheery as if all has been forgotten.

She just announced (via Facebook) that she and her new husband are expecting a baby. I assume this obligates me to attend a future baby shower, but I don’t have to throw it, do I?


NIKOL said...

She always was a little nutty if you ask me. Remember that year she gave you two EXPIRED Chili's gift cards for your birthday?

Kris said...

Heh. I forgot about that.

Kristina P. said...

I saw good riddance. Honestly.

I broke up with a friend about 2 years ago. I miss her sometimes, but I don't regret it. I still read her blog, and all the reasons I did it come flooding.

I have determined that I am to old now to play these games, and waste my time on people who will not be there for me in return.

Melanie Jacobson said...

The boots are Rieker. I love.

Karen Peterson said...

I'm with Kristina. Especially after Nikol's comment!

It does sound like she's not all there. She obviously thinks there's more to your friendship (or more to a Facebook invite) than you do. I guess if she's acting like all is forgotten then you can proceed with caution. She just might be the type that's never going to let you forget, no matter how much she claims to forgive.

peewee said...

seriously. TROUBLE. You should spend your quality free time on people who REALLY wanna be your MOI! I have a Christmas present sitting here for you that is NOT expired and so what if I haven't even sent it yet? THAT is what Valentine's day is for!

She just wants extra wedding/baby presents.

peewee said...

besides....does she even WATCH Glee?

bet not.

Kris said...

Peewee, I have a present waiting for you too! And now it's January and I still haven't gone to the post office to mail it. Sigh. I take it as a clear sign that we are just meant to get together somehow. Or...we'll make a pact to send Valentine's gifts.

You're right, she prob doesn't watch Glee. She watches football. And LIKES it. How were we EVER friends??!!

Emily said...

I found your blog via A Peek at Karen's World. I can relate to this story.

Fun blog. I'll try read more!