Beauty Bash Bound

After this weekend, I will be covered in pounds of free makeup, skin care, and hair care products. I'm bringing an extra suit case just for the loot. I hope it gets filled to the brim!

I CAN'T WAIT!

Glee Vogue

"Will Shuester, I. HATE. YOU."

Classic!

As much as I love Sue Sylvester, the real star of that video was Kurt. He was fab! Also, did you catch his reaction to Finn singing The Doors on the show? All googly and twitterpated? That was my favorite part! I think I may have a platonic, beard crush on Kurt....

Sweet Weekly Love

Monday night is my night to cook.
Tuesdays we go and visit your mother.
But Wednesday night is the night we make
Sweet Weekly Love. - "Business Time" Flight of the Conchords

Forget about must see TV on Thursdays. Thursdays are over. FACT: Tuesday is the best night for TV. Two reasons: Glee and Justified.

Glee is back tonight after way too long of a hiatus. Like, so long that even a Gleek like me kinda stopped caring. Harsh, I know. But those are the facts. However, I'm certain I will be sucked back in at the first Laaa-la-laa. Or the first slushie in the face. Or the first sighting of Puck. Or the first burn by Sue Sylvester. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, this is mandatory viewing. MANDATORY, people.

Now, you may not know a lot about Justified. It's another crime show, it's set in the South, and the main character wears a giant cowboy hat. But I'm telling you, Justified is great. And not just because Timothy Olyphant has this whole smoldery, hot, southern charm thing going on. But really, DAAAAAMMMMMMN! That boy is working it. So that helps.

If you have HBO or Showtime, or whatever cable channel Deadwood was on, you might say to yourself "yeah, yeah. I've seen Timothy Olyphant work the cowboy hat thing before." And I would reply "No, you haven't".

See the distinction?:

Justified - hot & smoldery

Deadwood - Snidely Whiplash

Other than Timothy Olyphant being in it, the only other thing I know about Deadwood is there was LOTS of cussing, mustaches, and prostitutes. Justified just has a lot of hillbilly rednecks and one fine looking US Marshall to round 'em all up and take 'em to the pokey. But also, it's funny.

Even Hitler is Team Bullock

"When your body looks like a dirtbag's binder from 7th grade auto shop, it doesn't bode well for your character"

I love you, Tina Fey.

I Wish I Could Quit You

What's the deal, Costco?!

Obviously, I have a Costco addition. I went to TWO Costcos this weekend. And you know what I found at both stores?....Red effing Velvet Cake. So now I know FOR SURE that you've been messing with me, Costco.

But then, I found this:

A peace offering? A delicious vanilla chai flavored peace offering? With 40g of protein? For me?

Sometimes, being a Costco whore does have its benefits. I didn't buy the cake, but I bought FOUR bottles of the vanilla chai. AND a platter of chocolate croissants.

Mmmm.

I Do Not Sniff Da Coke

I'm in my 30s. Ok, my mid 30s. I sorta thought I was past the age when being a dipshit was "cool".

I was talking with a coworker, and the subject of drugs came up. I don't really remember how the subject came up. Maybe we were talking about the mandatory company drug awareness training or something. But anyway, the subject came up...and I mentioned that I have never done drugs. Ever.

My new coworker...who is in her 30s, and married with kids...called me a square and actually drew an air square with her fingers. Then proceeded to tell me about her and her husband doing all kinds of drugs in high school and college.

Neat.

Oh yeah? Well....were you Presidente of el Club de Espanol? Were you disecting a cat in AP Biology? Did you work at Kentucky Fried Chicken? Did you go dancing on weekends? Like, to church dances, where you had to get interviewed by a Bishop, and wear a skirt that was at least to your knees?

Cause that's what I was doing in high school. And my mom thinks I was pretty cool.

Damn You, Costco! Damn You Straight to HELL!

Dear Costco,

I thought we were friends. I thought we understood each other. When my twins were babies, you were there for me. You offered carts with TWO baby seats, and I thought I had found a safe place of trust. You GOT me. My needs, my wants, my desires. You offered high quality diapers and baby wipes in bulk, and it brought tears of joy to my eye.

Over the years, that friendship has blossomed. You opened my eyes to steamed edamame, decent tasting frozen lasagne, and those cool boxes of crafty greeting cards. I will never have to shop for a birthday card again, and I love you for that. Costco, I've loved you so much that I gave up shopping at a regular grocery store. Goodbye Vons, Fresh & Easy, and Albertsons. Because if Costco doesn't carry it, I probably don't need it.

But this time you've crossed the line. You hurt me. You hurt me bad. I...I just don't know if I can look at you the same ever again.

A couple weeks ago I saw what looked like a delicious, mouth watering, red velvet cake for sale. This was no ordinary red velvet cake....it was HUGE. With cream cheese frosting. And it was only $9.99. I wanted that cake so bad. I tried to think of excuses to buy it. I'd bring it to dinner with my friends, the Dodsons, but Kelly Dodson doesn't really like cake, so that wouldn't work. I'd bring it to Easter dinner with my family, but my mom was counting on a fresh strawberry dessert, so that wouldn't work. Finally, I found my excuse....work potluck! I was the first one to sign up, and I told my coworkers about the Costco cake that I was dying to try. I was so excited!

So today is the big potluck, and I went last night to buy my cake. But....where was the cake? I couldn't find it anywhere. You decided not to make them anymore? Without any kind of notice? Without even a sample? I get it...you were just teasing me, and then right when I wanted it most, you yanked it away.

HOW COULD YOU?

I made Nikol's peanut butter bars instead. I'm sure they're delicious, but they are sprinkled with the salty tears of your betrayal.

Sincerely,
Kris