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Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Damn You, Costco! Damn You Straight to HELL!

Dear Costco,

I thought we were friends. I thought we understood each other. When my twins were babies, you were there for me. You offered carts with TWO baby seats, and I thought I had found a safe place of trust. You GOT me. My needs, my wants, my desires. You offered high quality diapers and baby wipes in bulk, and it brought tears of joy to my eye.

Over the years, that friendship has blossomed. You opened my eyes to steamed edamame, decent tasting frozen lasagne, and those cool boxes of crafty greeting cards. I will never have to shop for a birthday card again, and I love you for that. Costco, I've loved you so much that I gave up shopping at a regular grocery store. Goodbye Vons, Fresh & Easy, and Albertsons. Because if Costco doesn't carry it, I probably don't need it.

But this time you've crossed the line. You hurt me. You hurt me bad. I...I just don't know if I can look at you the same ever again.

A couple weeks ago I saw what looked like a delicious, mouth watering, red velvet cake for sale. This was no ordinary red velvet cake....it was HUGE. With cream cheese frosting. And it was only $9.99. I wanted that cake so bad. I tried to think of excuses to buy it. I'd bring it to dinner with my friends, the Dodsons, but Kelly Dodson doesn't really like cake, so that wouldn't work. I'd bring it to Easter dinner with my family, but my mom was counting on a fresh strawberry dessert, so that wouldn't work. Finally, I found my excuse....work potluck! I was the first one to sign up, and I told my coworkers about the Costco cake that I was dying to try. I was so excited!

So today is the big potluck, and I went last night to buy my cake. But....where was the cake? I couldn't find it anywhere. You decided not to make them anymore? Without any kind of notice? Without even a sample? I get it...you were just teasing me, and then right when I wanted it most, you yanked it away.

HOW COULD YOU?

I made Nikol's peanut butter bars instead. I'm sure they're delicious, but they are sprinkled with the salty tears of your betrayal.

Sincerely,
Kris

5 comments:

Kristina P. said...

This is why Costco is evil. I support Sam's Club and their child labor shops.

NIKOL said...

My heart weeps for you. Even though I kind of oppose red velvet cake on the principle that it requires 2 oz. of red food dye per cake. That's TWO BOTTLES of food coloring! Holy crap!

But I'm 100% in favor of the cream cheese frosting.

Also? I bet the salty tears will not make the peanut butter bars any less addictive.

Karen said...

Costco must be punished. Severely. You should load up a big cart full of whatever big, bulky, expensive stuff you can find. And then just leave it there and walk away.

Madison! said...

Hey Kris, sorry about that whole Costco thing, but about the peanut butter bars? My office is at 200 W. Arbor Drive, in Hillcrest. Just sayin'.

peewee said...

Yah. There's NOTHING that makes my head spin more than when costco stops carrying something I rely on. I want to throw myself down on the floor for a full sized tantrum. They will RUE THE DAY they get rid of those See's Candy gift certificates. YOU HEAR THAT COSTCO?! We should start a petition.