Tuesday, November 9, 2010

If There Were A No-Fly List in 1977

In preparation for our trip to visit my Dad in Texas, my Mom told my children a real-life cautionary tale of airplane violence.  The story was told and re-told several times before our trip.  When we arrived in Texas, my Dad picked us up at the airport and on the ride home, he asked the kids if they ever heard the story....and then he told it again anyway.  At the end of our trip, he told the story on the way back to the airport, just for good measure.  My kids now know the story by heart.

The story goes like this.....on a family vacation in 1977, my mom, dad, brother and I were going to visit family.  It was the first airplane ride for my brother and I.  He was 5 and I was 3.  We boarded the plane and settled our polyester clad behinds in our seats.  My parents busied themselves with the carry on bags and getting the requisite tools of distraction for children (coloring books, snacks, gum, etc).  Passengers were still boarding and my brother and I were sitting in our seats when all of a sudden....WHACK!  Out of nowhere, and for no particular reason, I smacked my sweet, innocent brother as hard as I could in the head with the big, metal, airplane belt buckle.  My brother instantly began wailing at the top of his lungs for an extended period of time and got a huge bump on his head.  The other passengers shot death stares at my parents for having a child that wouldn't stop crying.  My parents were mortified and wanted to kill me.  Of course, they still had to reward me with coloring books, snacks, and gum, to keep me quiet on the plane.  Not unless they wanted to risk a mid-air toddler meltdown suffer the added wrath of the passengers.  If there had been air marshalls on the plane, like there are now, my parents would have gladly handed me over to police custody.  The End.

The moral to this story? 

Beware of terrorists disguised as 3 year old little girls.  And if you do encounter one, those belt buckles double as pretty effective weapons.


NIKOL said...

You are so badass.

Also, I put some of Puck's Mary Poppins lyrics in the comments on my blog if you want to check them out.

Kris said...

I sort of lived to torture my brother. But NO ONE else was allowed to pick on him. Only me.

Karen Peterson said...

As if I needed another reason not to sit next to families with toddlers.