Dear Self,

When you go to the beach for an entire day with your friends and don't bother to put on sunscreeen because you think you are under the shade of the canopy, maybe you should ask your friends if you are in fact, in the shade. Because your shoulders just might get fried to a crisp.

Better yet, you should just go ahead and put some sunscreen on anyway, you moron. After all, you were at the beach in a tank top for the entire day.

Have fun peeling next week, dumbass! Common sense....look into it.

Painfully,
Kris

Celebrity Sighting

I saw Danny Glover at Disneyland yesterday.

He is taller, much skinnier, and less gray than I would have imagined.

I don't really like to approach celebrities, because I figure they probably don't like to be hasseled all the time. Plus, I act like a complete tool when I talk to them. Like goofy, gushing, can't string a sentence together kind of tool. It's so humiliating.

Feel Sorry For Me, Won't You?

The AC in the office building still isn't fixed, and they don't expect it to be fixed until Tuesday, at the earliest. My office is a tiny closet with no windows and it is probably around 92 degrees (give or take) in here. That's no exagerration. I've had close to about 100 oz of fluids to drink today, and I've only peed twice in my whole 9 hour day.

I'm hot, I'm sweaty, my feet are ginormous swollen, and I'm cranky.

But there is a definite silver lining...tomorrow I am going jet skiing and Monday I am going to Disneyland.

So maybe you don't have to feel that sorry for me.

Job Reference Letter WIN!

I sincerely hope that one day I have the pleasure of writing/receiving a reference letter like this for a job applicant. I think I would frame it and hang it in my office. Seriously.

To whomever it may concern (since I have no idea),

I would like to personally recommend Virginia A. for what ever it is that she requires a recommendation for. I have known VA professionally for a long time, almost 10 months. In that time her ability to almost do her job correctly has never ceased to amaze me. It takes quite a special person to answer phones and correctly forward callers to the correct employee. Some might say “That’s easy, anyone could do that.” But as her 15 year old replacement has proven, only someone with VA’s special set of skills could make it look difficult.

During her employment VA continually pushed the envelope of what it was possible to wear to work and not get fired. Often showing enough cleavage to make even the most satisfied infant salivate, VA and the girls showed what it truly means to give it all you’ve got, or show it at least. You might be fooled into thinking that this was grossly inappropriate and not even “What Not to Wear” could save her, but let me be the first to say that her personal contribution to morale and lack of concentration to the office was unsurpassable.

VA’s commitment to the job meant that she couldn’t just leave it at 8 hours and call it a day (unless she found someone else to give her a ride home to her apartment less than half a mile away. Walking is such hard work.) No sir, when there was a happy hour at another office, VA was the first to ask you to come (and for a ride.) When there was no drama in the office, VA would take it upon herself to sleep with one of your coworkers and tell you all about his ED just in case you thought maybe you didn’t know him well enough after all.

And so it is without hesitation that I recommend VA for whatever it is that she is applying for because that might mean I’ll have to hear form her less. Please accept/hire her.

Yours truly
XXXXX

Courtesy of Emails From Crazy People

The 3rd Ring of HVAC Hell

The HVAC is broken again in the office building, which is filling up with hot, humid air. It feels like Godzilla is breathing on me.

Repairs are not anticipated to be complete until the end of the week.

Shoot me now.

Celebrity Blogs

What better way to
A) Fall more in love with
B) Stockpile more ammo for mocking
your favorite celebrities than by reading their blogs?

If you read any celebrity blogs, can you please hit me up with a link? I'm all about sharing the love, you guys.

Here are the ones I know about that I love
Mindy Kaling (Kelly Kapoor from The Office)
Jenna Fischer (Pam Beesly from The Office)
Michael Ian Black

Here are the ones that I mock
Gwyneth Paltrow's GOOP
and my newest, Julia Stiles

The Dunder Mifflin Birthday Party

Yesterday was the big birthday party for one of the bosses at work. We pranked her office...not to Hollywood standards, but to the degree that it was still funny without getting us fired.



You can see the tin foil, the framed photos replaced with Dunder Mifflin photos, bubble wrapped chair, balloons all over the floor, and of course, the staple remover in jello (the stapler was too big and expensive to mess up).

Then we have the filing cabinet covered in I (heart) Jim post its.



We also covered her window in various Office photos, quotes, Schrute bucks, etc. For the party, we served ice cream cake (no Dunder Mifflin birthday fiesta is complete without one), and soft pretzels. That's right, we had our very own pretzel day! To drink, we had some Schrute Farms Beet Cider and Meredith's Special Blend...which turned out to be just apple cider.

The birthday girl was presented with her very own Dundie Award for best scrunchies (she has a basket full of them on her desk) and a World's Best Boss mug.

All of the Office references required an explanation for our non-Office-watching coworkers, but it was still fun even if the drones didn't really get the jokes. Us cool kids were laughing anyway.

Mad (about Jon Hamm) Men

Mad Men is back starting season 3 on Sunday at 10pm on AMC.

This show is so awesome. I say things are "awesome" a lot, but its really true. Would magnificent be a better word? What's a good 50s/60s era adjective? The bees knees? Keen? Anyway, If you're not watching, you should be. It's like an HBO or Showtime series, only without the nudity and cussing. There's still plenty of sex. And TONS of innuendo. But you never actually see any naughty bits.

The characters are all completely flawed and barely even likeable. But so riveting. The late 50s/early 60s aren't quite the idyllic world I imagined. Not according to Mad Men. But that's only because of the rampant sexism, racism, smoking, alcoholism, adultery, etc.

Still don't think it sounds like something you'd want to watch? Just take a gander at Jon Hamm in a suit.

If that doesn't convince you to watch, then clearly you are crazy.

Seriously Ed, Stop It!

Big Ups - Doin It Exclusive Music Video from Joey Kern

Ed Helms, Stop Making Me Love You!

Dude, you're adorkable, and I love you. Check you out scatting (that's like beat boxing for older folks) with the JoBros. Can't wait for The Office to start back up again, and now that Jim & Pam are completely blah, I truly hope the Nard Dog gets more screen time.

Video Recaps | Full Episodes | Webisodes

Beauty Product Rave

This is an extremely late review/rave of a product I got at the QVC Beauty Bash that I went to way back in March. Out of the entire truckload of free products that I got, this is one of my top favorites.

ExfoliKate by Kate Somerville

I love this stuff. Let me just warn you...its pricey. Like $85 for 1.7oz. pricey. But it works. Fast.

I used to be in love with Philosophy's microdelivery peel, but now I've moved on. Philosophy's peel is just so two-thousand-and-late.

ExfoliKate is a green exfoliating treatment that you only have to leave on for 30 seconds. 30 seconds. That's it. The other stuff had to sit there for a couple of minutes, and you had to use twice as much product with less results. It's so quick, I just leave it in my shower. No more standing over the sink and waiting. A garbanzo bean size amount covers my whole face. You feel a definite warming/tingling sensation, and once you just rinse it off and your face is super smooth. I have problem skin, so I use it every other day, instead of just the recommended twice a week, and even with more frequent use, it doesn't irritate my skin.

I know it's expensive, but Sephora usually has their friends & family 20% discount sometime in November, so maybe you can buy some as a Christmas present to yourself. You deserve it.

My New Favorite Blog

If you haven't seen this before, you're gonna love it....I just had to share.

It's called Emails From Crazy People, and it is delightfully crazy, and therefore, awesome.

This is the most recent entry.


There's plenty more where that came from!