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Monday, September 14, 2009

Just Say No To Running


It’s no secret that I hate exercise. There are some forms that I hate more or less than others. For example, swimming isn’t so bad. It’s a low-impact, full-body workout, without the side effect of being completely sweaty and stinky when you’re done. Huge bonus. On the flip side, running is absolutely horrid...Go from Point A to Point B, as fast as you can. Hmm...I’ll pass. Honestly, who thinks running is fun? Or even remotely enjoyable? Crazy people, that’s who.

Now you can argue all the fitness and cardiovascular benefits of running until you are blue in the face. I can’t argue that, but I can argue the fact normal people find much better ways to reap all those same benefits without having to actually run. Tell the truth, which is more fun...running, or sweatin’ to the oldies with Richard Simmons? Come on, the guy is hilarious! You can literally laugh your ass off to his workouts! Is running funny? Maybe if you do it in a gorilla suit. Otherwise, no.

Don’t even get me started on marathon runners. Those mofos are the craziest of all. Because you don’t just wake up and decide to run a marathon that day. You have to train for months. Devoting that kind of time to your own torture takes some dedication to your own personal brand of crazy. If you wanted me to run 26.2 miles, you would have to chase me with a chain saw and a mask made of human flesh. And when did marathons become trendy, cool, and hip? Now all these celebrities are doing them too. Most of them are all like, “I just wanted to prove to myself that I could do it”. Yeah, I suppose I could force myself to grab an electric fence, drink a bottle of hot sauce, get my nipples pierced, or kick some puppies, just to see if I could do it...but that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.

If you are a runner, and you’re reading this...seriously, I wasn’t asking for any volunteers when I made that comment about the chain saw and mask of human flesh. SERIOUSLY...weirdo.

8 comments:

Kristina P. said...

Haha! I love this! There's a part of me that wishes I were a runner. And then I realize that I would hate my life.

NIKOL said...

You are so much fun.

I've never understood running, either. Like back in high school when people signed up for cross country. Running? That's it? That's a sport?

peewee said...

I KNOW!!!! It's like binge drinking. Only popular and "healthy"....except that at the end of the day it's still like binge drinking! SO I say, let's just binge drink! same-same.

Karen said...

I always LOATHED running. Until a couple of years ago when I started running with a friend and dropped 30 pounds in 6 weeks. Then I got addicted to it. But then I rolled my ankle one day while running on a hill, and injured myself so bad that I haven't been a regular runner since.

I actually kind of miss it.

And yes, I know it's crazy.

NIKOL said...

Karen, how much were you running to drop that much weight? Sheesh. Maybe taking up running wouldn't be so bad. It sounds less insane than Jillian's 30 Day Shred.

Kris said...

Yesterday as I was driving home, I saw a woman from church running on the sidewalk, and she was probably 5 miles away from her house. She is tall, thin, and has these insane calf muscles that are rock hard. Not an ounce of fat. Oh, and she has 4 kids. If she wasn't so nice, I would hate her.

Little Lovables said...

yep, half my friends are running marathons too, what is with people!

Even people who love it, hate it!

Little Lovables said...

haha.. we have a love/hate Twilight thing as well!