Thursday, September 24, 2009

Dear Kris of 1992

This post is originally from Stephanie's blog, but my work has it blocked for malicious content (my favorite kind of content!), and then from Karen's blog. So here goes...

Dear Krissy of 1992,

People call you Krissy right now. Later in life, some people will call you Kris, but it's all the same to you.

Now that high school is over, here's what I want you to know...

1. Have fun on the Europe trip in a couple of weeks! It's a once in a lifetime trip, so for pete's sake, keep a journal or something. Write down the names of all the people on the trip with you, because you will forget. When you look back at that group photo in front of the Eiffel Tower, you will only remember you, Nikol, and a bunch of whats-their-faces, which is kind of a bummer. Write down the names of all the castles and cathedrals that you visit too, because even though they all look the same, you might want to go back to one of them one day when you are older. But how can you go back, if you can't remember which ones you visited? Also, don't forget to pack some comfortable walking shoes and remember to tell Nikol that she is awesome. Lemon Sisters for EVAH!

2. Boobs. Quit wishing you had boobs already. One day you're gonna get your wish, and it's not going to be as great as you think. In fact, after you have kids, you're gonna wish you could trade in your National Geographic chest and have that flat one back again. Gravity is not your friend.

3. Boys are dumb. Seriously. All of them. It's not worth bothering with them until they are 25 and develop some sense. But then again, you're kind of dumb too, and you won't listen to me anyway. You'll be madly in love with your best friend and you won't care that you're both dumb, so you'll get married at 22. There are some bumps in the road, and you're complete opposites, but you guys make it work. I cannot stress this enough, the key to your happy marriage is to keep making each other laugh. He quotes the same movies for at least 13 years, and you love it. You laugh hysterically every. single. time. Don't get too busy to hang out and laugh together. By the way, if you think he's hot when you get married, just wait until he's 36! Damn girl, he gets hotter with age!

4. Your mom isn't as dumb as you think she is. She actually knows a lot more about life than you do, so maybe you can cut the attitude and listen to her once in a while. She's pretty awesome, and you'll have a great relationship with her.

5. Kids. This is gonna be a tough one for you...I hate to break it to you, but you're gonna have some trouble with infertility. It will be difficult, frustrating, depressing, and heart breaking. Just try not to be too much of an ass about it. I know you're going to be depressed, and your friends and family are going to want to be supportive, but there are limits. It's gonna take a long time. Get used to the stirrups! This is no time for modesty. You will be surprised at how quickly you get used to your hoo-hah being on display for tons of various doctors and nurses. Don't give up though. God has a wicked sense of humor with you and gives you twins! They are beautiful, healthy, happy, hilarious daughters, and the light of your life, but you definitely won't sleep at all for the first year. Also, see #2.

When you're 35, you still won't have it all figured out, but things will be pretty good. Don't take your friends and family for granted, and take some time for yourself too.

Kris in 2009

P.S. Invest every penny you can in Microsoft, Apple, or Qualcomm. You'll thank me when you're filthy rich.

P.S.S. There still aren't any flying cars, and we still eat normal food and not those food capsules like on the Jetsons.


NIKOL said...


Karen said...

Dude! I totally should have told myself about Microsoft!

Great letter! Thanks for doing it!

peewee said...


Counselormama said...

Wow, this sounds like something I would write. I love this!